Author: Wayne Slingluff

Don’t Worry

In 1971 I lived in a Berkeley commune. Posted on our refrigerator door was a newspaper picture of a smiling guru with the caption “Don’t worry, be happy”. We later learned he had committed suicide .

The possibly apocryphal story was savored by those who laughed at “hippy stupidity”. All of us found it ironic. As the years go by I think on it periodically (and may even have written about it more than once – my memory isn’t the best lately.) Each time it seems to have a somewhat different moral. 

For example, to begin with, it’s not actually a bad philosophy. Most of us do worry too much about things that will never happen or over which we have no control nor influence. Then, there is a realization that any guidance may be appropriate at one time, but useless or toxic in different circumstances. And finally the question of how one reacts when core ideals are broken.

But I always cycle back to how I feel. And there I realize that the old news clipping is simply another odd fragment of my infinite consciousness, to be used or discarded or ignored as I see fit. Sometimes surfacing for no reason at all. Usually provoking thoughtfulness .

For right now, I try to immerse in “Don’t worry”. I nurture the grand enchantment of being happy. Certainly not a guru, but good enough for today .

Medium Well

“All things in moderation. Even moderation.” A wise saying. Living as an uncaring Buddhist saint, ignoring the world, has always struck me as early death. A few extremes add spice to existence .

There are complaints that today is different. We are buffeted by uncontrollable forces. Internet adds to higher highs, lower lows, rabbit holes, and destructive fantasies. It is impossible to be “moderate” in such an environment .

However, that is usually expressed by some of the most pampered people who ever lived. Warm, dry, well fed, with electricity and other comforts not imagined by those living a few centuries ago. The whining of such spoiled brats is very annoying .

Our ancestors faced genuine extremes every day, every year, almost all of them potentially fatal. There was never a better logical reason to “live well today for tomorrow we die.” Disease, disaster, hopeless fate. And yet – they kept an even keel. Mostly .

I’ve adopted a schizophrenic approach. For local matters over which I have control (eg eating, exercise) I continue the advice of “moderation”. For all that “media” hoopla I’m more like the monk, observing but fully dissociated. 

As I think of it, medium well done.

Tranquility

In our fortunate era, one can do many things, play many roles, in fact be different persons over time. We recognize standard stages of life – childhood, adolescence, young adult, middle-aged, senior, elder – and the various career changes one can make. But our very being can also transmute .

Tranquility is not a revered goal of our culture. It’s more important to be upset, to strive, to be unsatisfied with what is and work to change things for the better. For most of those stages of life, being tranquil is dangerously close to being a lazy good for nothing .

But elders _ well, little is expected at this declining energies and thoughts. Attempts by old folks to do great things is at best comical and at worst annoying and tragic. Tranquility fits those who otherwise get in the way of progress .

I confess to buying into this somewhat. Ever since I read  Innocents Abroad as a boy, I realized that younger people who accept life however awful it may be are more to be pitied than envied. I hardly ever sought tranquility, preferring even painful activity to doing nothing .

But now? I’m afraid I am still not quite tranquil, although I have slowed, appreciate the moments, and try not to regret all the many things I can no longer do. Such acceptance, I suppose, is close to tranquility. Or laziness, of course. 

Rule of Law

“Civilized” people like to look down on “primitives”. Among our other virtues, we live by rational “laws” while they have only childish “taboos” to guide actions and keep society working .

Laws are wonderful things, and a “rule of law” assures that we are all treated as fairly as possible. Our lawyers tell us so, and the authorities enforce their opinion. What a laugh it would be, they claim, to try to run a modern city with nothing but arbitrary taboos and foggy customs .

And yet . . . laws are rarely applied in personal life. There are few laws in a healthy family or friendship. There are still only “foggy” customs and basic taboos holding our relationships together. That is human. Even more formal organizations use mostly flexible “rules” and “guidelines” .

Laws try to be logical but are often too rigid to fit circumstance and must be “interpreted”. Lawyers love it. I am well aware you cannot at this moment run a modern society without law, but basing some future utopia on the perfection of its laws is madness .

“Rule of law” is of itself neither good nor evil. Like taboo, it all depends not only on the wording, but also on the application. We are all kind of primitive still .

Marriage

At various times, marriage has been defined as a dynastic continuation, wealth conservation, bourgeois tradition, social requirement, family obligation, or religious fraud. Not to mention modern twists and fantasies .

I’m sure anyone who tries to nail it down is excessively foolish. I will give it a comment anyway. I’ve been fortunate, and still consider our 50-year marriage the core of our lives. So a personal observation .

The main thing has always been trusted companionship, sealed with honest individual oaths. Those ideas of “for better or worse, in sickness and in health” have really meant something, sometimes a burden, more often a comfort. Got us through the inevitable rough patches.

We were fortunate to be well-formed individual people when we met. We did not have identical goals, we did not need to find our own meaning in each other. We were simply a pair who liked to share life and adventure – although still free not to do so all the time. Enough different interests to keep things interesting. And the ability to argue and resolve conflict. I admit that in all that the most important shared value was that of family. Raising children was a goal above all others .

Well – so much for this soapbox .

Cowboys and Indians

Little boys have always enjoyed, I suppose, playing war games of one side against another, often based on historic conflicts. In my youth it was Allies versus Nazis. In other places and times it could have been North versus South, Gauls versus Romans, or that constant favorite, cowboys versus Indians .

The games were usually harmless enough, anyone willing to take any side for an afternoon. Not at all like the real horrors of war. Kids didn’t much care about historic realism, and happily evoked stereotypes .

In real life, “cowboys versus Indians” had nothing to do with cowboys. It was the full military of an industrializing giant civilization pushing out a “primitive” culture. At best, it wanted to turn “Indians” into “white people.” At worst, it judged that impossible and tried to exterminate them or place them in isolated zoos .

In spite of modern romanticism, there was a lot purely awful and nasty about “native American” culture, as any honest reading of historic sources will quickly discover. And that lifestyle was fully incompatible with the onrushing pioneers.

There were no easy answers. And no solutions .

I fear the current Mideast is now turning into such a conflict. Only extermination or zoo preserves will be acceptable. A sad moment in a world not nearly so “enlightened” as we had hoped.